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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25565494">wish i was her</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloomyeji/pseuds/gloomyeji'>gloomyeji</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ITZY (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, Mentioned Lee Chaeryeong, Mentioned Shin Yuna, Unrequited Love, a little bit of yuchae/chaeryuna, happy endings are overrated, ryujin and yeji are best friends/roommate, yeji wishes she's somebody else</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 08:14:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,261</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25565494</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloomyeji/pseuds/gloomyeji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Yeji and Ryujin found themselves falling in love. One with the other and the other—  with another.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Jisu | Lia/Shin Ryujin, Hwang Yeji/Shin Ryujin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>wish i was her</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/closed/gifts">closed</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hiii!! this one-shot is purely inspired by conan gray's heather. so i suggest you to listen to the song and REALLY take in the lyrics while/before reading, the emotions might be delivered better while doing so. i originally posted this on my twt @/scrudeul, but a moot gave me the idea to put it here so yay!!!! here we are!!! i apologize in advance for any mistakes, happy reading prepare yourself for the angst!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Early December. A ray of wintry sunlight glowed down on the soil and shriveled trees lined the path to the main building. Snow hadn't fallen yet, but the heavy bite of breeze told that it would happen rather soon. Building of each faculties had started putting Christmas displays in their windows, and some doors in the dorm already had garlands on. Yeji stood outside of her dorm building, letting the glacial air kissed her rosy cheeks and the wind rippled through her clothes as she gazed at the cloudless sky overhead.</p><p>"Yeddeong!"</p><p>Yeji glanced at the presence of her roommate and gleamed warmly. The blue haired girl returned a bright big smile, the one that flaunted her whisker dimples, and Yeji could feel the patter of her own heart jumbled. "Sorry, did you wait long?"</p><p>Yeji immediately shook her head, "No, don't worry."</p><p>"Okay." Ryujin beamed sheepishly.</p><p>Yeji felt the latter's brown eyes scrutinized over her appearance, but she kept a collected visage despite feeling the heat rushed deeply into her cheeks over a simple gaze. Ryujin looked amused, with a glint in her eyes, "You're wearing my sweater."</p><p>She glanced down at the thick gray sweater fitting perfectly on her body. Fiddling with the polyester fabric, Yeji quietly murmured under her breath, "It's comfy."</p><p>She heard an angelic laughter escape the blue haired beauty's mouth, "It suits you better." <br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>˚✧₊⁎<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Blue was the color of the sky. Crimson was the color of Yeji's cheeks. Barely caused by the freezing weather other than that one simple compliment from her roommate earlier, and perhaps how their arms were currently linked closely as they sauntered to the coffee shop beside the faculty. A fond smile was painted on Yeji's lips, when else was so cold, Ryujin still felt warm. And she believed it was the only warmth that tumbled in the winter time.</p><p>Time flew by whenever she was with Ryujin. Yeji giggled when she heard the both of them hummed contently as they stepped inside the shop, instantly welcomed by the scent of coffee. Their favorite scent.</p><p>Falling in line was only natural to do so after getting in. Grinning and giggling while they were waiting in the line was even more natural. They had their eyes at each other the whole time they were immersed in dumb conversations, and Yeji felt light on her feet. It brought joy to her heart even on the coldest days.</p><p>This morning was perfect.</p><p>But anything perfect never lasted. Just like how Ryujin's eyes fell over the breathtaking girl walking towards them.</p><p>Creme leather coat blanketed her twine-thin figure. A pair of eyebrows looked down on sweeping eyelashes. She had a set of dazzling, doe chocolate pools glimmering as the sunlight streamed through the window from above. Her hair was brown, wavy, and it crashed over her perfectly formed shoulders. Her lips were naturally pinkish and stretched out into a warm smile. And at last those sharp features were softened by a button nose, leaving anyone who laid their eyes on her melted into a puddle of blossoming roses.</p><p>Choi Jisu. One of the most beautiful creatures walking on earth, who just happened to have everything that Yeji wanted— Ryujin's attention.</p><p>"Good morning guys," The sweet-like honey laced voice filtered through the air.</p><p>"J- Jisu, hey, good morning," Ryujin stammered, her breath hitched by the brown haired latter's overwhelming beauty. Yeji would lie if she wasn't affected by the girl's angelic features as well, of course it did, it ached her.</p><p>"Hi Jisu."</p><p>"It's funny how I always find you guys here," She said cheerfully. Eyes curving up into beautiful crescents that Ryujin adored and Yeji envied. "I didn't think you as someone who's obsessed with coffee."</p><p>Jisu said to them, well mostly directed at Ryujin.</p><p>"I didn't think you would notice."</p><p>"That's just stupid, of course I would."</p><p>Yeji thought it was stupid how they were getting a bit lost in each other's eyes. It was stupid because she felt a <em>stupid</em> throb occurred in the depth of her heart as well. The two then burst into fits of bashful laughters, eyes at their feet and hands nervously rubbing the back of their necks.</p><p>"Well I guess I should leave you guys be,"</p><p>"No, stay," Ryujin said immediately. The hand that was once linked with Yeji's, slipped away to grab Jisu's arm before she could swivel to exit the shop. "Join us, we don't mind, right Yeddeong?"</p><p>Yeji felt her chest tightened but still managed a thin smile on her lips,  "Of course,"</p><p>"Are you sure? I don't want to be a bother,"</p><p>"You heard us. I— We would love to spend time with you."</p><p>Yeji watched as the smiles in both of their faces widened and the sparks in Ryujin's orbs glimmered like fireworks on Seollal. And for a moment, Yeji tried to convince herself that her best friend looked at everyone that way. But she knew it wasn't true, because if she did that meant she had looked at Yeji with the whole universe in her eyes, and Yeji wouldn't be in the state that she was in at the moment. Always second in Ryujin's heart. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>˚✧₊⁎</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The next few days went like every awful endings in movies. Leisured and painful. Watching as Ryujin and Jisu got closer day by day as she stood behind with hope crumpled in her hands, like withered flowers, radiant colors fading, petals curling and turning stiff, then falling one by one. Yeji was just relieved it was finally Saturday, meaning it was time to give her heart a break. No other presence between her and Ryujin now, just the two of them alone in their dorm.</p><p>Bodies drowned in the mattress and two sets of eyes stared longingly at the white ceiling as endless conversations flowed through them. Yeji lay on her back while Ryujin was on her side and propped herself up on one elbow, fingers fiddling with sleeve of Yeji's sweater. Yes, this time it was her own. Her favorite sweater of Ryujin's had been missing from her closet for days now, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to figure out where it went.</p><p>"You know, I really cherish moments like this with you," The blue haired latter confessed in a whisper.</p><p>The cat eyed girl shifted her gaze from the ceiling towards the girl laying beside her. "What is this? A love confession?" She joked as if it was suppose to be funny.</p><p>Well, it was to Ryujin.</p><p>"It is," She said while laughing softly. "Can't I shower my best friend with love?"</p><p>Yeji forced a smile on her lips, hoping the universe would do the honor and not let her <em>best friend </em>notice. "Of course you can."</p><p>Best friend, it was all she would ever be.</p><p>"If so then you're suppose to say, 'I cherish this moment with you too Ryuddaeng',"</p><p>The silver haired girl sighed softly, a genuine yet sad smile carved onto her lips. "I cherish this moment with you too Ryuddaeng."</p><p>For once, she didn't regret playing along because the grin that appeared on the blue haired girl's face afterwards was pure and priceless. Whisker dimples at its glory and all, Yeji found herself enthralled by the younger's beauty. It was a pleasure to see her face light up, eyes twinkled, adorable teeth flashed on display, and being the reason behind them. It made butterflies swarmed in Yeji's stomach like never before. Even when Ryujin stopped looking at her and began to talk about other things, Yeji was still lost in the latter's features.</p><p>Scrutinizing the disheveled, blue hair cascading down over her neck. Her skin gleaming under the late afternoon sunlight with naturally flushed pink cheeks that looked exuberant. Then her gaze darted at those pouty lips, wondering if they taste honey or saccharine sweet. Everything about Ryujin was dreamy and Yeji felt like she could stare at her forever. She swore she had memorized every single detail of her features like the back of her hand.</p><p>"Yeji, did you even listen to what I was saying?"</p><p>It was enough to snap Yeji back to earth, "H- Huh?"</p><p>The younger chuckled softly and avowed her gaze on the older. Brown eyes staring deeply into her soul, and for a split second, it felt like they were having a moment.</p><p>"As I was saying, Jisu agreed to go on a date with me,"</p><p>"I'm so lucky, don't you think so? Jisu is truly one of a kind, she's just absolutely wonderful I can't believe she gave me a chance to take her out. Me, out of all people—"</p><p>Petal. Yeji felt another petal of hope fell at her feet. How naive she was for thinking that Ryujin might had looked at her more than just a friend for that few seconds. Stupid. Just goddamn stupid. Indeed Ryujin was looking into Yeji's eyes but sadly, she wasn't blind enough to not notice the reflection in the younger's eyes was Jisu's, not hers.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>˚✧₊⁎</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Monday rolled in and Yeji woke up alone in their dorm. The only trace that Ryujin left behind was the sticky note on the fridge, saying she had early classes and would be busy for the rest of the day. She tried not to pry. Not that she wanted to know and pushed herself to do her usual activities. Walked to the faculty, ordered coffee, spent hours of lectures, lunch, then another hour of lecture, all of that by her own. Well her other friends, Chaeryeong and Yuna went to tag along for a bit but clearly, she wasn't in the mood to face lovebirds. Yeji promised herself she would get through the day just fine on her own.</p><p>As the sun began to sink into the horizon, Yeji was on her way back to the dorm. It was then Ryujin came into her sight, far off in a distance, standing closely with Jisu wearing her <em>sweater. </em>Their fingers lovingly tangled as one. The colors drained from her face. Crescents and whisker dimples were visible and it didn't take a whole second to notice that they were happy.</p><p>Yeji hated it. She hated that she wasn't the one that made Ryujin happy. And she wanted to hate Jisu— for being prettier, for being kinder, for being so perfect. But all the hatred she had in her system only turned to herself. She couldn't hate Jisu, the brown haired girl hadn't been anything but nice to her. Caring even. Jisu was a fucking angel and she was good for Ryujin. But Yeji just didn't want to admit that.</p><p>Blood was about to draw out of Yeji's lips as she harshly nibbled on it in silence, watching as Jisu turned and leaned into Ryujin, her back pressed against her chest, her shoulders wrapped by her arms. The blustery wind howled and the dark sky began to spit snowflakes on the surface. It was the first snow and Yeji had never felt so cold. And when she thought her heart couldn't break even more, she caught Ryujin kissed her, softly, one hand gently stroking a lock of her hair. Yeji felt her stomach twisted sour and waves of tears behind her eyes. She swiveled and bolted, running as far away as her feet could take her.</p><p>Yeji ran and ran, not caring how her vision was blurry nor how vigorous the breeze was. She just ran, in hopes that it would make everything hurt a little less. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>˚✧₊⁎</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Streetlights were misty in the light snowfall as frozen flakes pranced in the air, then blanketed the sidewalks and streets. Upon the sooty covered sky, the moon was conspicuous, radiating its loneliness. Like how Yeji was, sitting alone on a bench, somewhere far from the university, as the winter breeze kissed the overflowing liquid on her cheeks and bit at her frozen skin. Her trembling hands painfully clutched onto the hem of her coat as the throb in her chest became unbearable. The dim flickering light of hope wavering in her heart had fully diminished.</p><p>At the back of her head, memories kept being replayed like a broken record. Ryujin's chain of laughter at nights before they both drift off to sleep, her hand holding onto hers as they walked to the faculty building, Ryujin's sweater on hers, until it wasn't anymore. Then it was Ryujin's sweater on and for Jisu, her hand latched with Jisu's at endless times, and those laughter— they only would only float to the surface whenever Jisu was around.</p><p>Of course it had to be Jisu, God himself had sculpted her perfectly from her toes up to the tip of her hair. Yeji would never stand a chance against her. Even when she had known Ryujin better than anyone did, stuck with her whenever, and liked her longer. It was hopeless and only got her to miserably wonder if Ryujin had once ever looked at her like the girl she loved, like how herself had for the longest time. Those days of genuine giggles and sunshines, and nights of endless cuddles and shared affection, Yeji wondered if they ever meant something to the blue haired beauty.</p><p>But even if it did, she knew it didn't matter. Ryujin would always like Jisu better.</p><p>Yeji let her lids fold, consciousness engulfed into darkness matched with her ever slightly breaking heart, and faintly whispered,</p><p>
  <em>Why would you ever kiss me?</em><br/>
<em>I'm not even half as pretty</em><br/>
<em>You gave her your sweater</em><br/>
<em>It's just polyester but you like her better</em><br/>
<em>Wish I were..</em>
</p><p>"Jisu."</p>
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